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Barbie and Ken Reunited

Barbie and Ken are getting back together isn’t that special…make your mind up already Barbie.

In 2004 Mattel felt that since they were changing their image of Barbie they needed to make her an unattached single, care free woman of the world. That a woman cannot be successful in this day and age while being attached to a man and that it was time to cast that man aside for her career advancement.

My thoughts on this; Barbie is a bitch and Ken is probably gay (not that there is anything wrong with that). I mean come on, Barbie and Ken have been romantically linked since 1961, yet has anyone really ever seen them kiss? The only time I ever saw them kiss was when I forced my sisters Barbie and Ken to ” do it” and even then Ken looked real uncomfortable and Barbie, well, she just looked sick.

Ken has always taken a back seat to Barbie and to me always looked very comfortable when his clothes were swapped with Barbie’s. Come on admit it, if you had a sister growing up you found yourself always wanting to torment Ken by putting him in Barbie’s apron, yet Ken always seemed to be a little too happy in her outfits, always smiling with those big white teeth. NO? You didn’t do this? Ok so I’m the only weirdo here.

Barbie, I think, used Ken. Barbie was too busy jetting across the world in her Malibu Jet and Malibu Motor home to really be concerned with “settling” down. Barbie had her own agenda and a damn the world and especially Ken attitude. Where was Barbie when Ken needed her, Barbie was too busy being Doctor Barbie, or Veterinarian Barbie, or Burger Flipping Barbie in Barbie’s McDonald’s Play Set. Barbie was shopping at the Fashion Mall and never once did she come back with anything for Ken. Sure the rumors were rampant that Barbie and Kung Fu Grip GI Joe had that illicit affair back in the 70s, but shortly after that romance ended has anyone seen or heard from Kung Fu Grip GI Joe again. Where do you think Kelly came from? They want you to believe Kelly is Barbie’s niece but look closely and you’ll see Kelly has that scar on her left cheek just like her dad. Just goes to show you what kind of user Barbie really is.

Then Barbie went and changed her image again she became Cali Girl Barbie and decided to completely leave Ken and just be “friends”. Ken was devastated by this and went on a 6 year Play-doh binge. He cleaned himself up and apparently professed his love all over NY. “Barbie we may be plastic but our love is real” OH Please Ken…you’d be better off with the Bratz Girls at least they won’t crush you and make fun of your non anatomical manhood.

I think we all know where this will lead, ten years from now we’re all going to say “Hey remember that Ken guy, I wonder whatever happened to him.” Meanwhile Ken, will be toiling around in obscurity in some back room bin of a dollar store remembering the days of his romance with Barbie, and secretly wishing he could wear her apron just one more time.

Damn that Barbie is a Bitch! Good Luck with that Ken! Sucker

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